omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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