all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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