dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You are a genius and a whore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
