Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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