Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
