dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
