alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
