Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
