hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
