I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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