it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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