You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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