Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I forget how to act sober
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
