Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
