Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
