Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
