we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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