He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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