I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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