So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
