all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
