I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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