how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
