I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
