I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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