Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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