dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
