Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
