We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
