Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
