so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
