I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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