Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
