Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
