I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
