I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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