We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this will be a night to untag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
