$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
