used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
