I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
