dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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