That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
