dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize