she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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