the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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