drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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