I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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