OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
