I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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