I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
