third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
