I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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