I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
