I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
