nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize