I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
