She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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