Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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