return my video game
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Vodka?
Forever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
