I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
