Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
