is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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