You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
