apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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