I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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