she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We're too hungover to prance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
