M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize