Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
