Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
