his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
