I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
