It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
