Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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