It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
