i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
