so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
