whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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