Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize