Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
