worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
