I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
