just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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