So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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