I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
