She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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