if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
