So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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