i permit you to call me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
