She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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