I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
