It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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