you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
