At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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