I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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