I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize