Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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