I got chris browned last night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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