I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize