i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
