Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
