he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
